Friday, May 09, 2008

They obviously don't get it

(Sorry if this rambling, but once I get started I lose track of what I'm saying and then don't proof read)

We have been talking lately about how when Annika gets here we will love her no matter what because she is part of our family. She is the sister and the daughter, much loved and adored around here. As much ours as Alex is and the apple of Alex's eye, his beautiful baby sister.

I guess the NBC doesn't feel that adopted children can really be as much a part of a family as biological children can. I missed this today but have seen it mentioned on many blogs this evening. I guess at one point they even had us labeled as "non-mom" moms, but have since changed it to "adoptive mom". WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!? What are we babysitters? Are we just taking care of other peoples' children for the rest of our lives? I can tell you as a mother of children from both categories, adoptive children feel no different in your heart than a biological child does. They are both you children even though you may not share DNA. You will love. nurture, and protect them until you can no longer do it. Calling an adoptive mother anything but a mother is not only ridiculous, it is disrespectful.

I know a lot of people would say that mother's have a link with biological children because of the pregnancy that involves carrying the child for 9 months. That's crap!!! Try having a paper pregnancy that last for almost three years. For a very long time, you are in love with a child that you cannot imagine. You have no idea who the child is, you don't know their age, their gender, what the look like. You get your hopes dashed every month wondering if this is the month of the fabled speed up. You grin and bear it when you see people who have had their second baby in the time that you have been waiting to just receive some small pictures of a baby with black hair and beautiful brown eyes. You want with all of your heart to hold that precious child in your arms. You can't feel them move inside of you or hear their heartbeat in the doctor's office, you go blindly on faith that this is going to happen if you hold on long enough. Then finally the pictures arrive and your heart finally have a picture of a little face to fall in love with. There is finally a face for the name you have been saving. A face for the little sister. A face for the daughter (or son) you have been longing for, hoping for, loving. How can they expect people like us to not be called mom and dad???? Why would they think it is okay to discount the families that we have made through adoption???

I'm sure who ever thought up this contest had the best intentions when they started. "We'll honor these women who take in the children of others and raise them as their own." or something along those lines. Hopefully they are having second thoughts about this idea after today. I have been telling people for quite awhile now that one thing you never want to do is upset the international adoption community. We mobilize and get wicked ugly(I mean that in a good way) pretty quickly. It is definitely an "I've got your back" situation. Hopefully NBC felt the full force of the community today.


Julie Siegel said...

Funny, I just came here from reading that (godawful) site. Someone drew it to my attention today. My "favorite" is in the profile of the third Non-mom Mom (the one in Haiti), who (and here's the cringeful part) "loves each and every child as if they were her own." Not her own? Whose are they, then?

These people are just too obnoxious for words. But y'know, it's a good jolt of reality for us New Englanders, where people like us are a dime-a-dozen. It's how lots of America thinks about these things. We just don't have to confront it very often in this neck of the woods.

Reminds me why I rarely watch commercial television.

Two Pearls / New England H Family said...

Isn't this crazy? Drives me nuts.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking about you last night, there is this beautiful Pearl Vision commercial making a connection to what you wrote about in this entry... a family who adopted from China (I think China, I was half asleep) and it ended with the most beautiful quote... "Having the same blood does not make you a mother, it is having a heart" I could not believe it... Pearl Vision gets it!!! I think what you are doing is the most beautiful thing in the world. Society is so closed minded it makes me nuts, I agree with you completely, who cares if you birthed them yourself, you still have a heart that is willing to be opened to someone new to join your family... you are her mommy and her family, that is all that matters.