So, I guess I really need to get over this last little, bitty referral batch and think about when I am going to let myself believe that we will finally get a referral. I had slightly changed my plan and was considering going with a February or March referral, but then I read one of my Yahoo groups today. Now I may have to throw out everything and start over. Someone asked their agency about how the agency thought the referrals would be sent out for those with LID in December '05. The agency stated that they do not expect to see more that 4 to 5 days referred each month in the future. Hopefully they are just trying to give an overly realistic prediction, but if not DAMN!!!!!
I had made myself believe January or February because I had to have something to look forward to. It seemed like such a long time away and surely they would get to us by then. I bought into the "speed up for December '05" thing. There is really no way to predict what will happen next. After the referrals that just arrived, I don't think that you can predict based on the number of people logged in any more. It is like a never ending, spinning (the kind that make me sick) ride with some crazy, toothless carnie at the controls (I don't know why he should be toothless, but it makes me feel better so he is). It is painful to think about it or in any way get my hopes up that the end may be near.
I have decided that I need to go into "denial" again as far as the adoption goes. I am going to stop mentioning it to new people that may not already now. No more telling students that I may be out for part of second semester. I have a feeling that I may be regretting the decision to tell those that I have mentioned it to. I am not going to talk about it unless I am asked.